Doing it for themselves
This weekend I have been reflecting on what works and why. I am away with some neurodivergent young people, some I know very well and some less so. It’s gone well…really well and better than expected. Why? Because we as adults are pausing before jumping in to help, fix or re-direct a situation.
We visited an amazing adventure park. It was super cool with so many ways to enjoy a little bit of risky play - I even had a go!
One young person bravely took himself down the big slide. Ooops! It was a wee bit higher and faster than anticipated so he downsized.
He took it down a notch, made it more simple and commented “I’ve met my match”.
After a few shots though he turned right rather than left and upped a level. This was “the new match”. And so it continued, when he was ready he stepped it up a gear until he was back on the big fast scary slide and enjoying every moment.
boy running to have another shot pointing to indicate his next choice
I am learning this about this boy. He needs to do things in his own time. Nudge too hard and he gets stressed and pushes back. Give him space to figure it out, safe in the knowledge that we are there to champion him, and he nudges himself and, importantly, knows when enough is enough (the death slide being that boundary!)
two boys contemplating a death slide and knowing they have reached their limit.
The other is an amazing example of remembering to pause and not jump in when it is not required. Another neurodivergent young person decided to go and play a game of volley football. This involved someone pushing a button for the machine to start firing footballs to be kicked through a goal. This young person got stuck right in often jumping in front of others and elbowing others gently out of the way. I waited with slightly baited breath for it to escalate, running through scenarios in my head and getting ready to wade in but, I waited, silently to see if I was needed. I wasn’t. He figured it out- they all figured it out. They worked together, directing each other to push the button, stepping in front to make sure a turn got taken, giving space, or nudging out the way but overall being cooperative.
It could have looked quite different, it could have been much more directive from the adult perspective and sometimes it might need to be but not today. Watching and waiting was enough and this meant that everyone remained regulated and had an awesome time.
image of boys playing football
As parents we want the best for our little people. We don’t want them to fail or get upset or feel sad. But it is also important for them to learn what they can do, how to problem solve and know their limits. It’s a fine balance and sometimes we do have to intervene and give a helping hand. However, by slowing down and watching carefully, we can allow our young person to lead and we are able to gradually step it back and see them doing it for themselves.
